


Twisting and Turning

by cuddlyreyes



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Character Development, Character Study, Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlyreyes/pseuds/cuddlyreyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble I wrote on tumblr analyzing Natasha Romanoff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twisting and Turning

**Author's Note:**

> Song this work is based on is Rubik's Cube by Athlete

 

> **_The world is too heavy_ **   
> **_Too big for my shoulders_ **   
> **_Come take this weight off me now_ **   
>   
> **_1000’s of answers_ **   
> **_To one simple question_ **   
> **_Come take this weight off me now_ **

Natasha spent her whole life destroying and taking lives, she remembered every target, every kill. She remembered the first kill, she was seven and she killed like it was natural, thats the only thing she knew. She remembered watching the light seep from her victims eyes, watching her work as she let the bodies fall.

At this time she was Natalia, The Widow, Спайдер, The Red Room’s pride and joy. She was a tool in the hands of her creators, used to kill who ever they saw fit. Only when the tool gained a mind of its own did she run, escaping the life of endless death.

When she broke free she was just Frankenstien’s monster, lost and wandering as she searching for a purpose.

_Who am I?_

The thought echoed in her head, a thousand answers to one question. She was Natalia, She was Natasha, She was the Widow, but above all she was a killer. 

 

> **_Oh I’m like a kid who just won’t let it go_ **   
> **Twisting and turning the colours in rows**   
> **I’m so intent to find out what it is**   
> **This is my Rubik’s cube**   
> **I know I will figure it out**   
>   
> **Lost in the playground**   
> **Late night nostalgia**   
> **Open the sky for me now**   
>   
> **Friends round the fire**   
> **Outside in December**   
> **Open the sky for me now**

_  
_Her mind was a puzzle to everyone, even to her. So many falsities and lies mixed in with the truth she denied. So many lives crammed into one body. Natasha had lived almost 90 years and she still new about herself as much as any stranger on the street.

The truth of what she was scared her, kept her from seeking it out. She would wander the streets at night, anything to keep herself away from it. The darker sides of herself would whisper in her ear, telling her to give up, go back to how she was, kill for fun, because she could, because she was told.

The redhead would spend hours sitting alone, lost in her own memories, like she was some passerby catching glimpses in the window. A smile. Ballet slippers. The cool embrace of a metallic arm… The lost touch of a lover… Whether it be fact or fiction she didn’t know, her memories were not her own half the time, changed to suit who ever owned her that week.

She hid herself from her friends and loved ones, kept her past hidden as best as she could. All of them had secrets. They knew that. Though the urge to pry often arose. Her life was under lock and key, better she carry the burden alone rather then put them in danger if the ghosts of her past returned. 

Natasha refused to be responsible for anymore deaths than necessary.

 

> **_Oh I’m like a kid who just won’t let it go_ **   
> **_Twisting and turning the colors in rows_ **   
> **_I’m so intent to find out what it is_ **   
> **_This is my Rubik’s cube_ **   
> **_I know I will figure it out_ **   
>   
> **_Credits roll over the edge of horizons_ **   
> **_That I haven’t discovered yet_ **

_  
_Despite her fear and her past, hope kept the redhead alive. She looked towards the horizons, working daily to unravel and straighten out the Rubik’s cube that was her head.

She kept her hope, looking for the good. Hoping maybe one day she wouldn’t be a monster, maybe she would find her purpose, maybe her debts would be repaid, and maybe… just maybe… 

Natasha would finally find out who she truly was.


End file.
